How to be happy: Tips for cultivating contentment

Are you tired of waiting around for happiness to find you? Stop waiting and start getting happy with these tips.

Do you know how to be happy? Or are you waiting for happiness to find you? Despite what the fairy tales depict, happiness doesn't appear by magic. It's not even something that happens to you. It's something you can cultivate. So, what are you waiting for? Start discovering how to be happy.

How to be happy: What science tells us

Only 10 percent or so of the variation in people's reports of happiness can be explained by differences in their circumstances. The bulk of what determines happiness is your personality and — more modifiable — your thoughts and behaviors. So, yes, you can learn how to be happy — or at least happier.

Although you may have thought, as many people do, that happiness comes from being born rich or beautiful or living a stress-free life, the reality is that those things don't confer lasting happiness. Indeed, how to be happy can't be boiled down to one thing. Happiness is the sum of your life choices. People who are happy seem to intuitively know this, and their lives are built on the following pillars:

• Devoting time to family and friends
• Appreciating what they have
• Maintaining an optimistic outlook
• Feeling a sense of purpose
• Living in the moment

How to be happy: Practice, practice, practice

The good news is that your choices, thoughts and actions can influence your level of happiness. It's not as easy as flipping a switch, but you can turn up your happiness level. Here's how to get started on the path to creating a happier you.

Invest in relationships

Surround yourself with happy people. Being around people who are content buoys your own mood. And by being happy yourself, you give something back to those around you.

Friends and family help you celebrate life's successes and support you in difficult times. Although it's easy to take friends and family for granted, these relationships need nurturing. Build up your emotional account with kind words and actions. Be careful and gracious with critique. Let people know that you appreciate what they do for you or even just that you're glad they're part of your life.

Workplace Bullies

In most cases, the purpose of bullying is to hide inadequacy and to reduce fear of being seen as “weak.” The unwelcome behavior of a bully isn’t something that is restricted to the playground. The truth is, Bullies come in all shapes, sizes, ages, genders and races. Understanding how and why bullies bully is key to effective action. Whether you are a victim or you can see bullying going on around you it’s important to be able to identify it.

“Bullying is obsessive and compulsive; the serial bully has to have someone to bully and appears to be unable to survive without a current target.” –bullyonline.org

BullyOnline.org has given the following names to workplace bullies…

Pressure bullying - where the stress of the moment causes behavior to deteriorate; the person becomes short-tempered, irritable and may shout or swear at others.

Corporate bullying - where the employer abuses employees with impunity knowing that the law is weak and jobs are scarce. This type does things like…

•    Introduces "absence management" to deny employees annual or sick leave to which they are genuinely entitled

•    Regularly snoops and spies on employees. For example, by listening in on telephone conversations, using the mystery shopper, contacting customers behind employees backs and asking leading questions, conducting covert video, calling/messaging employee's home to interrogate the employees whilst on sick leave, or threatening employees with interrogation the moment they return from sick leave, etc.

•    Deems any employee suffering from stress as weak and inadequate whilst aggressively ignoring and denying the cause of stress (bad management and bullying)

•    "Encourages" employees to fabricate complaints about their colleagues

Client bullying - where employees are bullied by those they serve. For example: teachers by pupils and their parents, nurses by patients and their relatives, social workers by their clients, and office societies by customers. Often the client is claiming their perceived right in an abusive, derogatory and violent manner.

In environments where bullying is the norm, most people will either become bullies or become targets. What will you do? Stand up against bullying. Recognize the signs and talk to someone in your HR department.

Cultivate mindfulness to fight stress

Stress Management:

The concept of mindfulness is becoming increasingly popular as a tool to help us deal with the bewildering stresses of modern day life. Although there are many definitions of this term, it's useful to think of mindfulness as total absorption in the task at hand.

Need more help?

If the stress in your life is more than you can cope with, get help right away. National Suicide Prevention Lifeline 1-800-273-TALK (8255) Go to the nearest hospital or emergency room Call your physician, health provider or clergy National Alliance on Mental Illness www.nami.org 1-800-950-NAMI (6264)

In reading about an Olympic athlete, I came across a similar concept — "bookends." The athlete pictures a competition or big event between bookends. Everything else is outside of the bookends and is ignored so that the athlete can focus on what's important.

It can be challenging to eliminate those thorny, nagging issues that drive us to distraction. But one way of putting this into practice is to simply unplug from the grid for a period of time. Power down the phone, the tablet, the desktop and the laptop.

The sun will come up in the morning and the world will not disintegrate. At least this gives us a break from the barrage of demands and expectations. We need time to recharge our battery. We need time alone, or we simply will not go the distance.

Source:

By Edward T. Creagan, M.D. Mayo Clinic Oncologist